Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You smell like stripper and shame
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
