don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
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