cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
