So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I checked into jail on foursquare
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
