Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
