Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
