i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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