I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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