apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
