The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
