i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
