bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
