the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
