Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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