fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
