There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
