She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
