Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
