Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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