its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
