the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
