dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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