my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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