Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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