Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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