I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
