he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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