I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
