i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
