I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
zippers are such a cool invention
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
