if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
