i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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