i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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