Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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