Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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