He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
