How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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