And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
