using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
