then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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