Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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