Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
