He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
