How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
