Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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