what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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