I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
