i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Never joke about your clitoris.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
