Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
