i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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