I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
