i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
