he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
