i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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