Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
