Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
