I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
