Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I have post one night stand depression
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
