i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
