So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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