Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
