do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
