you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
