Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
