Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
