Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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