haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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