Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
