She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
