I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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