I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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