Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
