You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
