2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
