Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
