Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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