I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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