It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
