Duck Duck Cougar?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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