I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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