If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize