I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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