laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
