I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I want her autograph on my taint
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
